Hack it Up and Spit it Out
I started new meds.
They are classified as "anti-psychotics" which for me carries so much more stigma than "anti-depressants".
Apparently I am not the only one who has some internalized stigma against anti-psychotics either because when I told a person close to me about the switch they said
"Won't those get to the baby? Can't you just make it without them until she is born?"
Ooof! I don't even know where to start with this.
My first reaction was to stick up for myself.
Yes, these meds will get to baby. The SNRI's I've been on for the last year are getting to her, too. It's a risk vs. reward scenario. The harm they may cause to baby is significantly less than the harm that would be caused to baby if my episodes continue to worsen and The Unthinkable happens. It was only two weeks ago that I was intimately fighting with The Unthinkable. So no, I can't wait until she it born. The risk is too great. Ignoring maternal mental health for "the sake of the child" will never benefit the child. Full stop.
The next day I filed the prescription and called my grandmother in tears.
I was full of shame.
What if that person was right?
Maybe I should just wait it out until baby is born.
Maybe I was putting my baby at risk by taking the medications prescribed by my doctor.
Grandmother took a deep breath, let out a long sigh and said,
"Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I find that while I was sleeping some nasty crud got stuck in my throat. Sometimes it's in their deep and I've got to really work to hack it up and spit it out.
I know that sounds really gross, but those ideas someone put in your head are also really gross. You've got to hack those up and spit them out as far as you can, my child. That is some balogna. Now, you follow the plans you made with your doctor, and call me after you do."
Oh, what wise words.
They are classified as "anti-psychotics" which for me carries so much more stigma than "anti-depressants".
Apparently I am not the only one who has some internalized stigma against anti-psychotics either because when I told a person close to me about the switch they said
"Won't those get to the baby? Can't you just make it without them until she is born?"
Ooof! I don't even know where to start with this.
My first reaction was to stick up for myself.
Yes, these meds will get to baby. The SNRI's I've been on for the last year are getting to her, too. It's a risk vs. reward scenario. The harm they may cause to baby is significantly less than the harm that would be caused to baby if my episodes continue to worsen and The Unthinkable happens. It was only two weeks ago that I was intimately fighting with The Unthinkable. So no, I can't wait until she it born. The risk is too great. Ignoring maternal mental health for "the sake of the child" will never benefit the child. Full stop.
The next day I filed the prescription and called my grandmother in tears.
I was full of shame.
What if that person was right?
Maybe I should just wait it out until baby is born.
Maybe I was putting my baby at risk by taking the medications prescribed by my doctor.
Grandmother took a deep breath, let out a long sigh and said,
"Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I find that while I was sleeping some nasty crud got stuck in my throat. Sometimes it's in their deep and I've got to really work to hack it up and spit it out.
I know that sounds really gross, but those ideas someone put in your head are also really gross. You've got to hack those up and spit them out as far as you can, my child. That is some balogna. Now, you follow the plans you made with your doctor, and call me after you do."
Oh, what wise words.
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