Waking Up
Have you ever thrown a crazy party, and been so exhausted by the end of the night that you just flop on the bed without even washing your face and leave everything until the next morning? Waking up the next morning is daunting. You're groggy, maybe a little irritable. You walk downstairs and there is food left on the counter, the garbage is overflowing, the dishes need to be done, everything is askew. That's for a mild party. If it was a real rager there may be people asleep on your couch still, empty cups and garbage scattered about.
You pour yourself a strong cup of coffee, maybe sit on the couch and scroll through social media while you sip it and wake up and by about 10 am you finally begin the task of setting things right. It may take you a couple hours, it may take you all day. It just depends on the party.
The party I threw didn't feel like much of a party, but let me tell you, it was a rager and it lasted a LONG time.
When I started this blog a few months ago, it was an act of desperation. I was at the very beginning of understanding my mental health and navigating living a balanced life with my new bestie-Bipolar Type II. My bestie knows how to throw a party. And by that I mean she really knows how to make a huge mess and then leave me so exhausted I just crash on the bed without washing my face. And sometimes she encourages me to stay in bed for a very long time.
As I've learned more and finally found some extremely helpful tools (see: antipsychotic drugs, mood stabilizers), I have slowly been waking up to life outside of my mood disorder/bestie. Let's be real, up until this point my relationship with Bestie has been toxic and all consuming. We need some space, but I know I can never break up with her. The antipsychotics really help me see life beyond her though. She doesn't get to call all the shots any more or throw any ragers without my consent.
When I first started the medication that I am on now, it felt like sipping that cup of coffee after a wild night. I was waking up for the first time in a long time. I had tried to wake up before, but I never had a cup of coffee to help. I'd pop up, maybe take out the trash, and then be exhausted again. Back to bed. Or Bestie would catch me cleaning and demand we throw another party. Before I could even clean up from the last fiasco, I'd find myself in the throws of another. She's a pretty shitty friend TBH.
This time when I woke up my new friend, Latuda, brewed me a cup of coffee and kept Bestie in bed while I could get things into some semblance of order.
That's what I've been doing the last month or so that I haven't been blogging. I've been waking up. The more awake I am becoming, the more messes I'm becoming aware of that Bestie and I made together. I'm taking time to clean those up.
But, I am also seeing some amazing things. Bestie never invited my kiddo to her parties. I've really missed my baby. She loves waking up with me while I sip my coffee, literally and figuratively. She also loves helping with the dishes, but only literally, she can't really help me with the figurative ones.
My sweet husband was also rarely invited to mine and Bestie's adventures. Imagine coming home to your wife throwing a massive block party that you knew nothing about, let alone trying to sleep through it! He's thankful she pretty much keeps to herself now. We've been thoroughly enjoying our more routine evenings together without any unwelcome guests.
Being awake, or present, for the first time in a long times feels really amazing, and occasionally overwhelming. Thank you for not holding it against me that I am just soaking it up.
You pour yourself a strong cup of coffee, maybe sit on the couch and scroll through social media while you sip it and wake up and by about 10 am you finally begin the task of setting things right. It may take you a couple hours, it may take you all day. It just depends on the party.
The party I threw didn't feel like much of a party, but let me tell you, it was a rager and it lasted a LONG time.
When I started this blog a few months ago, it was an act of desperation. I was at the very beginning of understanding my mental health and navigating living a balanced life with my new bestie-Bipolar Type II. My bestie knows how to throw a party. And by that I mean she really knows how to make a huge mess and then leave me so exhausted I just crash on the bed without washing my face. And sometimes she encourages me to stay in bed for a very long time.
As I've learned more and finally found some extremely helpful tools (see: antipsychotic drugs, mood stabilizers), I have slowly been waking up to life outside of my mood disorder/bestie. Let's be real, up until this point my relationship with Bestie has been toxic and all consuming. We need some space, but I know I can never break up with her. The antipsychotics really help me see life beyond her though. She doesn't get to call all the shots any more or throw any ragers without my consent.
When I first started the medication that I am on now, it felt like sipping that cup of coffee after a wild night. I was waking up for the first time in a long time. I had tried to wake up before, but I never had a cup of coffee to help. I'd pop up, maybe take out the trash, and then be exhausted again. Back to bed. Or Bestie would catch me cleaning and demand we throw another party. Before I could even clean up from the last fiasco, I'd find myself in the throws of another. She's a pretty shitty friend TBH.
This time when I woke up my new friend, Latuda, brewed me a cup of coffee and kept Bestie in bed while I could get things into some semblance of order.
That's what I've been doing the last month or so that I haven't been blogging. I've been waking up. The more awake I am becoming, the more messes I'm becoming aware of that Bestie and I made together. I'm taking time to clean those up.
But, I am also seeing some amazing things. Bestie never invited my kiddo to her parties. I've really missed my baby. She loves waking up with me while I sip my coffee, literally and figuratively. She also loves helping with the dishes, but only literally, she can't really help me with the figurative ones.
My sweet husband was also rarely invited to mine and Bestie's adventures. Imagine coming home to your wife throwing a massive block party that you knew nothing about, let alone trying to sleep through it! He's thankful she pretty much keeps to herself now. We've been thoroughly enjoying our more routine evenings together without any unwelcome guests.
Being awake, or present, for the first time in a long times feels really amazing, and occasionally overwhelming. Thank you for not holding it against me that I am just soaking it up.
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